The problem of buying a skull by Jack Shamash

(November 2009 - Oh, incidentally the G2 section of the Guardian really liked this but eventually couldn't find room for it.)


When I watch those scenes on television where some news reporter uncovers a mass grave, I have a strange reaction. I don’t think: ‘What a terrible loss of life! Oh, the futility of war!’. I think: ‘How can I get one of those skulls?’

It’s almost impossible to get a skull these days. This, of course, is a real problem for zoologists, taxidermists and Damien Hirst. Many years ago, I was briefly a dental student. At the time - around 1978 – it was easy to get a skull. The skulls came with the dome of the skull – the calvarium – neatly sawn through and held on with clips. The jaw (mandible) was attached with two springs. For £50, you would get a lovely clean specimen with a reasonably full set of teeth. For £70 you would get a ‘dental quality specimen’ with all 32 teeth and with even the little bony spikes below the skull (the styloid processes) completely intact. Those were the days!

These items were shipped en masse from India (we never asked how the suppliers got hold of them) and were sold in dark blue boxes. Every dental student had to have one. As for medical students, if they paid £150 they could get a full articulated skeleton, with all the little bits held together with pins and wire. They were lovely items

Alas, all this came to an end in 1985, when India banned the export of human bones. The skulls which are available are either from before this date or have, in some way, been spirited out of China.

As for animal skulls, they were relatively easy to get hold of. As dental students we did a course called comparative anatomy, which was generally agreed – even by the lecturers – to be completely pointless. However it was one of the few bits of my dental training that I actually enjoyed. We would compare the various aspects of the animal skull and dentition (teeth and jaws). To help us do this, we had boxes neatly packed with the skulls of wallabies, ocelots, gorillas, howler monkeys and sloth bears. It was great fun.

A couple of years ago I took up sketching as a hobby. Like most artists throughout the ages, I decided that I would like to draw human and animal skulls. Unfortunately not only are human skulls unobtainable, but animal bones are are subject to the Convention in International Trade in Endangered Species (CITES). Anyone importing bones has to fill out extensive documentation, to prove that the bones are, for example, from a legally killed tabby cat, rather than from an illegally poached civet.

Even domestic animals are hard to acquire. For example, I would love to have a horse’s skull. It is perfectly legal to slaughter horses in an abbatoir and there are no restrictions on the uses to which the body parts can be put. But I’ve never seen one on sale.

Andrew Crook, senior anatomy technician and curator of the anatomy collection at the Royal Veterinary College in London explained: ‘It’s totally against the law to import most human skulls. Most abbatoirs won’t sell the heads of cows and sheep because of BSE regulations. At the college we’ve got a good selection of old skulls, but if a private individual wanted a skull of anything exotic, he’d probably have to make do with a plastic one.’ I pointed out that plastic skulls lacked the romance of the real thing. ‘I’m afraid health and safety and moral issues have driven romance out the window,’ said Andrew.

I did look up on the internet, and it seems that if you get the head of an animal, you can put it in a plastic bucket with some dermestid beetles and they will strip it clean. But my wife has said that if I bring any decaying animals into the house, she’ll leave and take the children with her.

Last week I found a German taxidermist on Ebay. I bought a badger skull, a fox skull and some raccoon bones from him – and all for £20. He said he’ll keep an eye out for monkeys, marsupials, big cats and bears.

With human skulls things are a bit more difficult. The last time I saw one on sale – on Ebay – it was going for £500 and wasn’t even a good specimen. It was from an old lady, which meant that the teeth were missing and the fine detail had largely calcified over. But I’m still looking.

Incidentally, there are websites in America where you can buy skulls from people who have died by strange means. The skulls have bullet holes or have been distended because of growths. But these cost several thousand dollars and I assume are for complete wierdos – even stranger than myself.